Youth Ministry from a Youth.

I’ve experienced a lot of youth groups. I’ve had my favorites and my not-so-favorites. I’ve learned new things from each one I’e attended, whether it be philosophical or something I learned from people watching. I don’t have nearly the wisdom to write about this subject, but I think I might have an interesting perspective. 

I grew up in church and a christian home. I’ve always been the church girl, goody two shoes, or whatever you want to call me. I’ve been able to go behind the scenes of youth ministries and been closer to people then I have have before. I’ve changed roles a lot, but always consistently held the role of the churchie. 

In doing this, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to be, well frankly, me. 

I wouldn’t say I’m sure who that is yet, but I think I’m now beginning to be able to learn and test the waters for who I’m becoming. That’s where youth ministry plays such a key role. I’ve always been told “God’s got great plans for you, Ali.” or “You’re really strong in your faith.” or “You’re going down the right path, and you seem to have unwavering faith.”. I used to love these complements that generally came from the people I was closest to in youth ministry. While sure, these are all good things, I don’t think I deserved them. I’m not pulling the self conscious card here, but I genuinely think, I was who youth ministry wanted me to be.

The faithful, narrow path, in love with God, girl who might have been...a little fake.

That’s the thing though, youth ministry shouldn’t shove me into a mold of what this ideal teen needs to look like to make it through life still believing and not making mistakes. I should be able to live life just like I would if I weren’t being watched. I shouldn’t feel the need to come as close to this mold as I can, while sacrificing my curiosity. Heaven knows, I would test the waters as soon as I was out of high school. I’ve seen this curiosity played out in so many ways, wether is be: 

The girl who got pregnant. 

The person who got drunk.

The people who start cussing.

The person who started doing drugs.

The cutters.

The teens who are suicidal.

This will happen in any youth group, but what I need, and what I think teens need, is someone who lets them talk about this openly. Someone who will tell them to call them if they need a ride after they got drunk, or a place to stay. It isn’t about always telling them it’s bad, bad, bad. It’s about letting them be curious, and leading them in a way where they OBVIOUSLY know it may not be a good choice, but they feel free to be who they are, and ask questions. I completely acknowledge this isn’t easy and doesn’t work for everybody. But, teens will be teens. We’re curious, we need someone to let go of our hand and instead be only a phone call away. We know you care about us, we’re learning though. We still need to be able to be curious and be free enough to experience God through forgiveness and mercy if thats what we choose. 

But that’s just me. 

the day of brain surgery

It’s 1:26 am. I’m leaving for the hospital in 2 hours. 4 hours until my life it altered rather drastically. Sometime after I had told my brother about this whole ordeal, he (in his very light hearted manner) mentioned how after I die people will be able to tell that I had brain surgery. Isn’t that sort of funny though? Like dang. My life is going to be greatly changed tomorrow. There’s so much unknown thats being forced upon me that for a while I felt drenched in it. It soaked me with heaviness that only something with such a great magnitude of change can. 

That’s where God clung to me. 

I couldn’t shake Him off. Heaven knows I tried many, many times. But somehow I wasn’t able to lose Him. I see it as oil and water. God covered me in a permanent oil while I felt I was drowning, but the two weren’t able to mix. In a glorious, unknown way God kept whispering “I have better things for you.” or “My favor rest in you.”. Each of these phrases never left my conscious. I heard them in moments of fear, hurt, and freedom. 

I was never really a believer in peace that passes understanding. The amount that I undermined it seems so silly now. I had always known that peace existed, and people were given it in times of desperation. Only until this instance did I ever discover what the phrase entails. The question people always always always ask when they discover I’m having brain surgery is “Are you nervous?”. In the beginning, I covered it up with a sly reply that was somewhat confident. But now? I have the peace that passes understanding. If I were even able to tell you what it feels like, I would. It’s something so beautiful, sacred, and holy that only being surrounded by such peace will ever describe something so delicately strong. 

So that’s where I’m at. I guess I’m going to dive in head first tomorrow and come up swimming at some point. God’s done some pretty amazing things through this situation and in my life. I can’t wait to be able to share the full story post-surgery. Thank you for all of the prayers and love sent my way. 

Brain Surgery

Please read this article first.

Now laugh.

Alright. You're good now, you can keep reading.

Brain surgery seems to be in my near future. I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers and encouragement, but I keep being asked how I'm doing, as well as a multitude of other questions. As guessed, I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm hanging in there.

A few days after finding out about all of this I was able to meet with my wonderful neo-conservative hipster-like youth pastor. (You're welcome Brian) He sat down with me, listened, and told me that my situation sucked. But, then he gave me some very needed advice. He told me to keep it simple. That I could only take this a day at a time. Day by day I needed to realize God is right there with me. So that's just what I've been doing. That's all I can do. Simplicity and God are all that's keeping me grounded right now.

 I'm learning though.

My dreams never included brain surgery. I never perceived life to be what it is currently. I haven't changed, but my situations sure have. And my idea of God and faith has overflown. I've gained new understanding in so many different situations. All that to say, God is still my rock. He's still solid in my life.

"Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care." 

You Have Me- Gungor 

"Always faithful, always good

You still have me.
You still have my heart."

After All- David Crowder 

"I will sing a song for you my God with everything I have in me.

But it's never loud enough after all." 

redemption story pt 2

Continuation...

The drive home was the farthest thing from peaceful. My heart accelerated, my pain escalated, my stress overwhelming, my emotion too much. My life was quickly crumbling into torturous bits. I placed my hand on my thin belly. How could I manage this? My father was right. I’m an ignorant irresponsible scoundrel. The words were manifested in my soul. Nothing of beauty lived inside of me. This child would turn-

this fetus. 

It wasn’t a child yet. It was just some cells. Thats what my splendid sex-ed teacher has told my class back when I was a freshman in high school. I should feel no guilt in doing away with the thing. I mean, what the heck, I’m already rotten anyway. This fetus could never be raised by me. It’s probably already to screwed just by me being the thing’s carrier. 

Then why even keep it any longer?  

I looked outside of my drivers window. Life presumed around me. People were clueless. My utter aloneness was surrounded by swarms of human beings. Human beings who were successful, talented, fulfilled, smart, and loved. I, on the other hand, stood in the middle of the rotating earth by myself, secluded from any form sanity. 

I made my decision quickly and irrationally. But who was there to stop me? I switched into the right lane. I knew the hectic intersection would be a perfect and quick end. I timed it just right, and slowed down to stop at a red light. Then, just as the opposite direction's light turned green. I urged my foot onto the accelerator. 

Only a second or two were passed before another vehicle collided with mine and I was thrown into a world of darkness. 

to be continued... 

The beginning of a redemption story.

This is the beginning of a story that I started writing. Let me know what you think! 

I cried. Actually, I sobbed in front of this total stranger who didn’t even know my full name. 

“Pregnant?” The cracked sound of my voice proved my emotion.

“Yes, six weeks.” The nurse didn’t even make eye contact with me. Her voice, flat and dull, said “You stupid girl. Stop being so irresponsible.” I’d heard it all before. Don’t do this, don’t do that. If only the people who told me actually cared. 

“What--what do I do now?” The whisper was barely audible and wasn’t met for anyone to answer, but of course Judgmental Nurse just loved to take this opportunity to rant on and on about teens sleeping together, getting pregnant, the family never lasting, the next generation failing, and how the world is going to die because of my generation...

I don’t think it’s been a good day for either of us. 

I pick up my light jacket and rush out of the free clinic. I don’t even know where I am going because the water in my eyes is blurring my vision. I know I don’t have much time to get to my car before I have an emotional breakdown. I break out of the confinement of the clinic and sprint to my lime green hippie van. There, I know I can calm myself and drive home to where my father will be passed out on the couch from his latest hang over. I reach my van and climb in the front seat just in time. I let the hot tears fall and remember the girl my dad brought home last night. Hopefully she doesn’t try to steal anything. I instinctively reach and finger my mother’s wedding ring that was about stolen last week. I caught my father’s lady friend eyeing it. I wanted to scream at her to stay away. The only token I have left of my mother hangs around my neck on a chain, and I’m not willing to let a single soul take it away from me.

I started my car, pushing my raw emotion behind me and trying not to think about it. After all, nothing is that different yet. I just have to last long enough until my father finds out and hopefully remembers so I don’t have to explain and be punished more than once. 

penpals - starting my own basket

One of the two main reasons I started a blog was because I really wanted to connect with people across the world. The world has become an international place now, as apposed to a state. I've seen people on their turf, watched them speak their language, and indulged in their culture. I can't wait to do this again, but for now I would L-O-V-E to write people across the good, ol' USA and world wide. If you, or anyone you know would like to penpal with mwah then let me know! There's this thing that I'm kind of jealous about in my bff, Katie's room. She has a basket (that I wish I conveniently had a picture of right now) that she has all of her letters she's received from people all around the world. I am so. jealous. I'm waiting to start my own basket, and when I do I'll give you a better picture than the lovely google images one I found :) 

Overcome

on the other side of the world,

there are kids.

kids who want to be loved.

who at one point,

were never loved. 

their mother hung herself.

they were thrown out of a car by their parents and run over.

their parents were drunk.

their Mom was stabbed by their Grandma.

they don’t know who their parents are.

no one wants them. 

their Dad died from a heart attack.

stories. 

reasons not to hope. 

hurt and pain.

unloved. 

orphan. 

on the other side of the world,

there are caregivers, 

parents,

people who want to love. 

who at one point,

could barely see the light of the other side.

they lost a daughter-someone they loved. 

they were hurt.

in prison.

drugs.

violence. 

drinking. 

REDEMPTION. 

on the other side of the world, 

there are stories to be told. 

kids who believe in hope, 

something bigger than hurt. 

these kids are loved. 

they have stories of redemption. 

not stories of hurt, pain, and being unloved. 

they have overcome. 

He has overcome. 

what i was like as a kid

I've decided to show you the things from wee little Ali. I was a creative kid (or so I've been told) and I just happened to keep a lot of my creations and things I loved all of this time. So, in honor of deep cleaning my room and closet, here are some pictures (with captions of course!) of my childhood. 

Figured I should start it all off with a picture of little kid Ali (and my brother). Weren't we so cute? :)

These were one of my favorite toys. I have a bajillion of them.  It was like playing dollhouse except with dogs. I guess we could call it a doghouse! Score. Also, I am keeping them stored away because I know that there will be some little one at my house eventually who will LOVE these things as much as I did.

Self explanatory. I was a great artist.

My parents anniversary card in the making. I think I was about 10 when I wrote this. Notice the intricate spelling.

I collected bouncy balls. I had 100+ of these silly little things. I wish I could be there when Goodwill opens the bag with all of these in it.

Look deeply at this one. There's four layers of beads in that picture. I was WAY into jewelry. Sorry for the picture. When I took it, I thought it looked better then it did. All of these shall be going to Goodwill or to Katie's younger sisters if they would like them.

That's it you guys! Hope you enjoyed this post. Let me know if you do one as well, cuz' I'd  love to read it :)

have a great week! 

~Believer in PRTC 



i thought it would be a good time to blog

This might be a kind of funny thing to think about. But, maybe it's just me attempting to see the humor is something that is ridiculously scary. Some sirens are going off. So I'm in the basement with my Mom, dog, (whose very freaked out right now. He likes security.) and cat (whose is stalking my dog and waiting to attack). My goofy boy is out on the porch. Not to sure why yet.
So here's a bit of what we've got going on.

Scary, isn't it? 

Your guys' lovely prayers would be most encouraging as we take on this voyage. Thanks! Let me know how you guys are all doing with all of these storms! Thinking of you all.

Love,

PRTC

the picture blog post

 I thought I would share exactly what I have been so busy with in pictures. Good idea, right? 

I really love this picture. Which is kind of weird, I guess, because after all it is me. Though, I do think that it's rather poetic and simplistic.

So that is me, on my new Mac that I adore.  I got it for my birthday this year. When my Dad brought it in I about started crying. It was a rather funny thing. 

Oh, photo books. 

This is my Mom's present from Mom's day/her birthday. It took my quite a while to gather all the photos and arrange them like I wanted, but this gift came out really well. I have yet to order it and actually get the book here, but I will be doing that soon. 

These are fabulous. 

These shoes are GREAT. Converse knows how to make some great flip flops. Now, don't judge, I know they look a little strange, but I really really love them. They're super comfy and fun. I enjoy watching people stare at me as I walk down the halls. 

I'm addicted. 

This game and I have become close friends. I've spent way to much time just messing around with it. It's such a silly thing, I think, to be spending that much time on one game. So I'm about to delete it, or at least limit myself with my play time. Responsible, right? 

That pretty much it other then church and school. Hope you guys are doing well! Stay safe from all those tornadoes! 

Love, PRTC

wishing flower

The little girl stood in the dancing field. Laughing and running with arms stretched out, she felt the wind lace through her fingers. She abruptly stopped in the middle of her routine circle. A wonderful wish was waiting for her. She folded her legs beneath her and sat on the padded grass. Her eyes were wide with wonder. She picked the wish and held it up in the wind where all of the feather-like pedals whimsically floated away. She giggled and went off in search for another one, but she didn't have to go far. Again, she picked the wish, but this time she blew on it and watched as the soft white pedals blew away. She wished in that moment for nothing else but life to never end.

The teenagers sat on a blanket covering the grass underneath them. They smiled as they shared the picnic with the world. The girl remembered this sacred field and what it ment to her. She wanted to bring him here to share in the bliss feeling of the field. She looked over to him and saw the frown on his face. They chatted. He told her that it was over, this relationship. He was sorry, but he couldn't help her anymore. She cried as he walked to his truck and drove away, leaving her surrounded in a field full of wishes. Wishes that she needed, but didn't believe in. Nothing could be more ugly, and remind her of the betrayal that happened in this moment.

The girl fresh out of college tucked her hands in the back pockets of her short jean skirt as she drove her car up to the wishing field. A warm breeze welcomed her and she walked to the edge. As she overlooked all of the beautiful flowers that met so much to her, she saw the wonderful, innocent little girl. She ran in circles, giggling non-stop. She saw the little one stretch out her hands to feel the wind interweave with her small hand. College girl pulled her shirt down to try to cover her tummy. She wanted to remember and forget. She wanted to run the the little girl and tell her not to ever lose her wishes. She wanted to tell her to keep running, keep wondering, never give yourself up, always keep wishing.

Hope you enjoyed the story! Sorry I've been gone for so long!
~PRTC

Mirror.

Sometimes I wish you would just break me. 

After all, I've seen you pretty broken.

---mirror

"Who says 
Who says you're not perfect 
Who says you're not worth it 
Who says you're the only one that's hurting 
Trust me 
That's the price of beauty 
Who says you're not pretty 
Who says you're not beautiful 

Who says 
Who says you're not star potential 
Who says you're not presidential 
Who says you can't be in movies 
Listen to me, listen to me 
Who says you don't pass the test 
Who says you can't be the best 
Who said, who said 
Won't you tell me who said that."

things i love

Spring Break. Lovely isn't it? Does anybody else picture High School Musical when they hear those words? Maybe it's just me. 

Books, Books, and more Books. I've gotten 6 books in less then a week. Currently the two being read are "The Truth about Forever" and "The Book Thief". Great stuff. 

Charlie. Have you seen his videos? You need to watch them right here.

My blogger header. I made it! It's the first time I've ever home made something that works really well. (thank you, Adobe.) Now I just have to spend another few hours to make another one. boo.

Yellow and this delightful picture. (Thanks Google Images)

 

Puerto  Rican Coffee. It's some of the best (if not the best) I've ever had.Good luck finding it though!

Hope you all are doing well! I promise to have a real post next time. :)

~Believer in PRTC

oh goodness.

I finally visited the school library. I'm way proud of myself. It took a lot of courage to go in there, alone. Gladly, one of my guy friends, Noah, was in there. I got all of my homework done, and it was comfortable.

I had a band concert tonight. It was the first time I had not worn pantyhose too. It was wonderful. I also got to wear dress pants insted of a skirt. Isn't that exciting?!

As a lot of you know, my birthday was on Monday. I ate Chinese food, went to school, had a lot of people sing happy birthday too me, and am most likely going out with my Grandma to do yoga on Saturday. I promise I will do my best to take pictures. I'm pretty sure that it's going to be really funny.

My friend got an iPhone, way cool.

My other friend blogged on our conjoined book blog, which then always makes me feel like I have to blog again on here so that it will show up first on my dashboard. So this is my kind of lame post to make mine go back to the top.

I'm lovin' the new Pink song (without the bad words). I would look it up, but make sure you find the radio version. Also, the new Hillsong United album is GOOD STUFF. People, you really should go get it.

I'm still really enjoying my new school.

You need to watch Hawaii Five-O. It's a tv show on at 10 on Mondays. It's sooooo good. One of my all time favorites.

How's like going for you? Any new books, music, or movies?
Ta ta for now!
~Believer in PRTC

p.s. All those responses on my last post were OUTSTANDING!!! I was blown away. Thanks so much you guys!

"if we are the body..."

She snuck into the back row, late, as usual.


“Look what she wearing today, a mini skirt and a shirt with no sleeves.” I heard the girls beside me whisper.

“Look those two.” My friend beside me leaned over to me during the middle of the song. “He’s practically got his hand on her butt.”

I nodded, trying to get my friend to talk later. I hated being the loud ones during youth group. We always got weird looks because my friends and I were the “goody two shoes” of the group.

The worship went on. The lovely words washed over me. Such a relief to be accepted here.

“Look at her.”

“Look at that outfit.”

“I don’t think they’re even paying attention.”

“You would think they’re one person with how close they’re sitting.”

My friends and I talked back and forth in between the song switch.

Soon the worship and message ended, and everyone started exiting the room. I saw one of our leaders walk up to the girl and welcome her and the boyfriend. We all rushed passed her without a second glance to even look back and talk to our old friend.

~

“It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is
carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

Chorus:
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way”
Just a reminder today. Don’t forget to love.
~Believer in PRTC

things i kind of really like

Watching America's Funnies Home videos. Aren't they just wonderful?

Post titles. Mostly the one's without any format or caps, and the ones with thoughtful names.

Panera Bread. Ohmygoodness. Please tell me someone else has had the splendid cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut cream cheese? It's a must have. Please go get one. Now. Really.

History. My teacher is great. Really, he's spectacular. It's not that he's really funny, or something that just makes you like him without the teaching; it's that he's thorough and I learn a lot. 

Youth group. This one's pretty much self explanatory. Especially if you're in my group, then you really understand. Great things are happening there. Including nine square!

Homework. (just kidding about this one.)

Passion Conferences. Look it up. They're so outstanding. I really want to go to one when I am 18.

You!  Love you, my followers. Happy belated Valentine's Day!
~Believer in PRTC

To "My Man" (and others who relate.)

Dear the guy I will marry (eventually),
Please do not propose to me at a place where I can't set my elbows on the table. I do know places like that have good food and all, but really, I would much prefer a place with lots of bright colors and creativity. Oooooo, and please have Chinese food included somehow. Maybe coloring books too, or a trampoline while it's night time. Pictures are a must, and fun shall be included. I do love water, waves and pretty sunsets. Fuzzy or knee high socks, gummy bears, pajamas, guitars, movies, and singing, all make me smile from ear to ear. I hope these are helpful pointers for you. One more thing, I don't want the typical "fortune cookie engagement". Please, I know that if you and I are getting engaged, I'm sure that you will understand this by now. I have a quirky personality, but I'm sure that we'll laugh often about it.
Well, that's about it. I'm glad we talked about this. (Or I just talked about it.)
~Believer in PRTC
p.s. No worries, I'm no where close to this. I just kind of was laughing as I thought about it and decided to write it down, then post it.

An update on, well everything.

Well, I'm here. Posting finally. I've been that kind of un-busy where you avoid your computer for a long time and do all sorts of other things. Which may include.

Painting a bookshelf. It's rather dandy. I'm painting all of the panels a different picture. The very top one right now it a pretty sun/tree sponge paint picture. The outer side has a parrot on it. Other then that the rest of the book shelf is still white.

Playing in the crazy amounts of snow and ice. I'm still not sure how much snow we ended up getting. (Not to mention it's a snow day for me and it's STILL snowing. It's rather pretty snow though. It's sparkling in the sunlight.) But I know that we got lots and lots of ice. Which then made it fun to go over to Katie and Anna's house and go sledding for a few hours. Thanks guys!

Having two extra brothers for a week. Our friends Alex and Collin came over while we had our enormous amount of snow days. Alex and I have been friends since I was pretty much born, and I know Collin from my old church/school. (By the way they're brothers if you didn't pick up on that). Alex and I had our share of fun by making Spaghetti and Waffles. Yes, together. If you guys have never read the book Guys are Waffles and Girls are Spaghetti by Chad Eastham I totally recommend it. Great book! I'll post pictures of the epic event in a later post because I haven't gotten them on my computer yet.

Kelsey passed away on Wednesday at 5:17. Thank you guys for all the prayers. She is finally healed now. It's what she wanted. Even if the cells took, it would have never healed her completely. But now, she is. I think shes happy to see God, even though it sometimes isn't easy without her. It's what she would have wanted. Keep praying for Karly though. She has to go through the same thing sometime. The memorial service is on Saturday. If you would like to go, it's open to anyone. Just let me know and I will give you more info. (Keep in mind that it is in Indiana.)

Giveaway from the Daybook! I would totally LOVE to win this. You should enter too! Go here.

Kazakhstan is coming! As some of you know, my brother and I are planning on taking a trip to go there this summer. There's a link on my sidebar (or will be soon) where if you would like you can donate. More importantly though, if you guys could pray for us in raising support, and getting to know our team better, it would be appreciated. Thanks!

Thats all for now!
~Believer in PRTC

PLEASE PRAY!

Hey guys!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for Kelsey. We need another miracle.
Read here.
thanks guys!
~Believer in PRTC

Oh Wisdom Teeth...

I figured I should enlighten you on the moments of my misery so that we may all enjoy and laugh.

On the way home from just having goten them out, my Dad stopped to get me a vanilla shake from McDonald's. I asked him to get me a spoon instead of a straw because I'm not supposed to have a straw. (Really, it was a miracle that even that came out of my mouth and made sense.) After I got the shake and the spoon, I pealed the plastic off it and stuck that spoon all the way down into my shake. Then I attempted to drink from it. I just couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. Lesson learned, you can not drink from a spoon.

Before me trying to drink from my spoon, I wanted to take my cherry off the top and throw it out of the window. I scooped it off the top, and rolled down my window. To throw it out, you know how you normally just tilt it a little and fling it outside? Well...my body didn't work too well with the little bit of my brain that was working. I turned it upside down while still in the boundaries of my lap, the cherry ker-plunked onto my jean leg, and with what little fling I had, some of it got on the car mirror. My dad just laughed, really hard.

While we were in the car, still driving, Dad asked me if he could take a video of me. My reply?
"Dad, I know where we are." Said in a voice with excessive whining. My Dad reassured me that he wouldn't take any, and he didn't. But, no later then five minutes later I asked.
"Dad?"
"Yes honey?"
"Where are we?" I can't even remember what he said. But I'm pretty sure he laughed.

Hope you guys had a good laugh at this!
Love you guys!
~Believer in PRTC