It's been a while

I haven't blogged in to long. I do believe I am getting rather lazy. So an update-Live is pretty much the same with the friends, I do believe its getting a little bit better, but not to much. But with all friendships I think I'm going to run into this, the roller coaster of friendships. I started thinking about it the other day, and I realized that however this comes out, I've learned lots from it. I think God's still got a plan for all of this; I'll see it eventually.
So last Sunday was my birthday :) (the 21st) It was GREAT! my friend Katie got to come over the whole weekend! Which was AWESOME! We got to take lots of pictures! (I still have to get those to you, sorry) It was a great weekend. Remember that post a while ago about my brother? Well, he's even more amazing now. He got me a GUITAR for my birthday!! not just some little rip off electric, and spankin' brand new Les Paul. Not that he wasn't amazing before, it's just cool that he did that :) My guitars name is "Fishing Pole" but for short, Fish or Fishy. (long story)
Next Day: Monday. I had a pretty bad Monday, not going to lie. School just wasn't great and my friends and I really weren't getting along, and storms forgot to actually tell me happy bday on my bday. He got it the night before, and the morning after. Ha, oh well, I'll cut him some slack. But after I got home from school, one of the band members from Waketheday had just talked to me and simply said "Jesus loves you, I hope you had a good day : )" and then we started talking....for three and a half hours. Here's a little something to think about:
What is faith?
How do we believe?
What is hope?
How do we have faith?
What is grace?
Are mercy and grace the same thing?
How do we have assurance of our faith?
Yeah, I know, lots there. Here is a great verse that kinda helps. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
so that's about it. Needless to say, my Monday went better after that.
I've been journaling (in real life) for a year now, I feel cool.
~Believer in PRTC

I should be doing something else right now...

I need to be doing homework right now, or practicing one of my instruments....hmmmm. Oh well, not like I'm going to :) It's blog time.....
Well, as you know, I have talked to my guy friend. I find it would be easier if I just gave him a nickname. How about Storms? Yeah, ok that works. Well anyways, Storms and I talked. It wasn't pleasant and it was very awkward. I did what I was supposed to do, I told him why and what and everything in between. Nothing happened. He barely responded. Now, if you know Storms, this is NOT like him at all. Even the awkwardness is especially with me. So, it was super awkward seeing him today. More of he tried to avoid me, but didn't do a very good job. I about lost it again last night at church. Again, one of my guy youth pastors was talking to me. He knew that I was down, and he eventually said some stuff to me, and sat by me a Tbell and we exchanged a few words there before I had to leave. Which was nice. As hard as it is to try to get close to a leader, if there was one I trusted the most, it would be him. I'm just scared he might leave sometime just like a past relationship. Not that there wasn't a reason for the last one-it still hurts though.
*sigh* life is hard sometimes...but that's when you learn the most, I guess.
Katie is coming over tomorrow for some birthday shopping together, can you say FUN?!
yes, this is going to work out, but no, not always how I would like it to.
~Believer in PRTC

will You be my Valentine?

Hi again :) I do apologize for my last blog post if you happened to read it before it was destroyed (aka removed from my blog). I shouldn't have posted that, and I am so very sorry if you did read.

Anyways, today was/is Valentine's day. Call me sappy, but on the inside I half think I like Valentine's day. For some reason, it just seems that this day (when used correctly) is nice. It makes people happy, and that's got to be good right? It's kind of one of those things that can go either way.

Maybe that's just the hopeless romantic in me...who knows.

So my friend whos a girl and I talked, for about 4 hours straight. Things are "fixed" per say, but somethings gotta give in my heart still. Some things will change, and some might not. I just have to trust Him for the rest. I think some of the reason I was mad at her is because I wasn't willing to lose my friendship with my guy friend aka her boy. I still am not, and I'm going to talk to him on Wednesday, and I will most likely lose it, and break down while talking to him-or a slim chance of me not letting myself be vulnerable and putting up a wall he can't break down. Which I feel as if those are the only two options. I want to do the last of the two, but my heart tells me to be open. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get through this easily, and I'm not sure if things are going to change. Which could possibly be the most scary thing in my world of friends to hear right now...tough. That's also why I am scared to open up, who knows if I'm going to get hurt and end up being stupid again? I don't want to do that, but my minds irrational when that happens. If so at least I have friends and leaders surrounding me to keep me up this time; where as the last time I felt as if I had no one.
I'm not sure on all this dating stuff. It's kind of like, do I want to date or not? the hopeless romantic in me screams !!YES!!, but where I am now...I don't want to cause people to hurt, or get hurt. Eventually, I'm going to be ok with dating. My parents haven't set any rules for me, so I have no standard I have to follow. Just my own. Which for now, is ok with me. But I'm looking at the single side of my life, and sometimes it's nice; but sometimes I want a guy, just to know someones there for me, watching out for me, someone to run to when I get "lost", one who understands me. That's what my guy friend and I had, though, we never dated, or anything remotely close to that. We were just best friends. Of course there always Jesus. So Jesus, will You be my Valentine? :) (I think He just said yes)
for god so loVed the world, that he gAve his onLy, begottEn soN, That whosoever believith In him, should Not perish, but have Everlasting life. jn 3:16 KJV
(I do apologize for not capitalizing the references to Jesus, but it would mess it up.)
To Jesus, my Valentine,
Believer in PRTC