will You be my Valentine?

Hi again :) I do apologize for my last blog post if you happened to read it before it was destroyed (aka removed from my blog). I shouldn't have posted that, and I am so very sorry if you did read.

Anyways, today was/is Valentine's day. Call me sappy, but on the inside I half think I like Valentine's day. For some reason, it just seems that this day (when used correctly) is nice. It makes people happy, and that's got to be good right? It's kind of one of those things that can go either way.

Maybe that's just the hopeless romantic in me...who knows.

So my friend whos a girl and I talked, for about 4 hours straight. Things are "fixed" per say, but somethings gotta give in my heart still. Some things will change, and some might not. I just have to trust Him for the rest. I think some of the reason I was mad at her is because I wasn't willing to lose my friendship with my guy friend aka her boy. I still am not, and I'm going to talk to him on Wednesday, and I will most likely lose it, and break down while talking to him-or a slim chance of me not letting myself be vulnerable and putting up a wall he can't break down. Which I feel as if those are the only two options. I want to do the last of the two, but my heart tells me to be open. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get through this easily, and I'm not sure if things are going to change. Which could possibly be the most scary thing in my world of friends to hear right now...tough. That's also why I am scared to open up, who knows if I'm going to get hurt and end up being stupid again? I don't want to do that, but my minds irrational when that happens. If so at least I have friends and leaders surrounding me to keep me up this time; where as the last time I felt as if I had no one.
I'm not sure on all this dating stuff. It's kind of like, do I want to date or not? the hopeless romantic in me screams !!YES!!, but where I am now...I don't want to cause people to hurt, or get hurt. Eventually, I'm going to be ok with dating. My parents haven't set any rules for me, so I have no standard I have to follow. Just my own. Which for now, is ok with me. But I'm looking at the single side of my life, and sometimes it's nice; but sometimes I want a guy, just to know someones there for me, watching out for me, someone to run to when I get "lost", one who understands me. That's what my guy friend and I had, though, we never dated, or anything remotely close to that. We were just best friends. Of course there always Jesus. So Jesus, will You be my Valentine? :) (I think He just said yes)
for god so loVed the world, that he gAve his onLy, begottEn soN, That whosoever believith In him, should Not perish, but have Everlasting life. jn 3:16 KJV
(I do apologize for not capitalizing the references to Jesus, but it would mess it up.)
To Jesus, my Valentine,
Believer in PRTC