Learning to Breathe

"I'm learning to breathe.
I'm learning to crawl.
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall.
I'm living again, awake and alive.
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies."
I'm back from church camp*, sadly. I fell asleep last night wishing I were on a air mattress, knowing I was having the best week of my life. I wish, oh so very much, that I could live at church camp, though it would make me exhausted, I would absolutely be in love with it.
One of my favorite parts of the whole week were our nightly lessons and worship services called "The Experience". On Monday, our worship leader** spoke. Then Tuesday, was our girl youth pastor. And on Thursday, it was our main youth pastor. All three of the services were absolutely life changing experiences, if you let them be.
But here is pretty much the main thing I took away.
I need to depend on God, and stop living in fear. You know,
Seems so simple, yet so difficult. I've learned that He's the only thing that will ever be able to break my fall. I think this chorus seems to have a time pattern here.
"I'm learning to breathe. I'm learning to crawl..."
There is where I was a few months ago. There were days where I hated God, I blamed Him for everything. But then, the Holy Spirit would convict my heart and I would come crawling back to my faith, very slowly. I tried my very hardest to rely on my head knowledge, what I had been taught, and not what I had been believing. I would bury myself in the fear that had closed me off from feeling like I could ever trust again.
"I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall..."
After I had crawled up to my faith, God started showing me things. Like, I can't do this all on my own. I need help, and I needed to "find" Him. It took me a very long time to figure out that the only non-human Thing I could place my trust in, and not get hurt was Him. Only Him. Why didn't I do that before?
"I'm living again, awake and alive. I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies."
Well, then came church camp. Guess who I found? Him. Yeah, it's spectacular to hope again. To know that I don't have to live one more day in the fear the the Enemy gives me. I'm learning to breathe.

*Church camp isn't exactly church camp. It's this marvelous thing called SERVE. Basically, for the 6-12 graders, we all spend the night at the church from Monday-Friday. During the week we go out into the community and put on backyard Bible clubs, visit nursing homes, do house rehabs, free car washes, work in soup kitchens, etc. There were 35 different agencies that we worked with this year and 316 participants. Needless to say, it's not a normal church camp.
** Worship leader doesn't describe it, it's more like lead worshiper. He's the worshiper who is the leader of the whole shindig. If that makes sense...
Just my thoughts,
~Believer in PRTC

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