It had been about 6 weeks since I had stopped. Finally, I was guilted into telling my youth pastor. I told him everything. Not just about that one matter, but each and every detail as to why and when and what I had for lunch even. The conversation lasted a hour and a half. I felt so ashamed, so stupid, so useless. But he accepted me with “youth pastor love”. No judgment, just advise and a way to process. Little did I know that was the beginning of healing. Healing that doesn’t seem to be taught, but learned. It’s the type that can only be done by God. The kind where He takes the old, and seals it with the new. I now didn’t have to surrender to the rain, or to my ways to cope. I had a new found thing to life for, who as I got a step closer, loved me even more. More then I could ever ask for…
How about a more happy ending? :)
Believer in PRTC
Broken Surrender
My hands flew up in the air in a broken surrender. My day had been terrible, crushing, painful. The only relief I knew was the pouring down rain that washed away my tears. I twirled in circles as the drops fell one after another hitting my arms and head giving me a thrill of delight. I was surrounded by a forest on my left and right, a house in front of my, and a field filled with tasseled corn to my back. I fell to the ground and laid there in the wet grass letting the wetness soak into my hoodie and jeans. The stinging coldness of fall rain mixed with my warm tears. I closed my eyes listening to the pounding of the rain in sync with my loud heart beat. Life isn’t the same anymore. Just a month ago, everything was fine. At least it seemed that way. Now? Now life felt like a constant deepening pain that clung to my heart. Taking my life away, with one little slit of the wrist. At first, it was something new, just an attempt to feel something different. Then things started get out of hand. My world as I knew it came crashing in over my head and enveloping me into a sickening darkness…
Hope you liked it!
Believer in PRTC
Hope you liked it!
Believer in PRTC
To Save a Life (part 2) "Youth Pastor Love"
First off, I'm very sorry for not blogging in a very long time. I have been busy with cleaning my room, school starting, and school camp. But now, I am back as a regular :)
To Save a Life, is one of my top 5 favorite movies. I completely and utterly LOVED it. The whole movie in general was outstanding, but I think my favorite part was *SPOILER ALERT* was any scene with Chris and Jake. I loved the youth pastor with teen relationship. I've always been drawn to that type of love. I go to a rather large and diverse youth group. My favorite nights are those when I just glance around and see a "Sea of Faces" (thanks Kutless) that all have different hurts, pains, and problems. (We have anyone from homosexuals to homeschoolers there are MKs and PKs. It's that different.) You see, thats the best part. I see them getting help by talking to a youth leader. People who I know have finally reached out for help. I completely am inspired by my youth pastors. They don't turn anyone away. They simply love. Made quite an impact in my life when I pin-pointed what that was. It's so much easier not to judge when you love others.
Youth Pastor Love is awe-inspiring isn't it?
I've got a good one for my next post, be sure to read!
~Believer in PRTC
To Save a Life, is one of my top 5 favorite movies. I completely and utterly LOVED it. The whole movie in general was outstanding, but I think my favorite part was *SPOILER ALERT* was any scene with Chris and Jake. I loved the youth pastor with teen relationship. I've always been drawn to that type of love. I go to a rather large and diverse youth group. My favorite nights are those when I just glance around and see a "Sea of Faces" (thanks Kutless) that all have different hurts, pains, and problems. (We have anyone from homosexuals to homeschoolers there are MKs and PKs. It's that different.) You see, thats the best part. I see them getting help by talking to a youth leader. People who I know have finally reached out for help. I completely am inspired by my youth pastors. They don't turn anyone away. They simply love. Made quite an impact in my life when I pin-pointed what that was. It's so much easier not to judge when you love others.
Youth Pastor Love is awe-inspiring isn't it?
I've got a good one for my next post, be sure to read!
~Believer in PRTC
Why?
Hey you guys! I'm actually at Katie's house right now, having probably the best sleep over ever. We've had so much fun. But, I'm updating this from their house because I am right now banned from my computer because my room is rather messy. (So says my Dad.)
Don't you love the stars?
It's so breath taking to lay outside and stare at them. Last night was the first time I had done so, for I think, my whole life. Katie, and (her sister, my friend) Anna, and I talked while looking at them. Something about them, reminded me of the song "On Fire" by Switchfoot.
"But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words."
If you couldn't figure that out, those are lyrics from the song. I was thinking. How many conversations have I had that seem to lead to no where? Those ones where I fight with someone, just because I want my way, or because I disagree on something. A year ago, last night, I had no idea what was up for me within the next year. I had such a terrible time with life hitting me in the face. My world fell apart. I had very hard time with friends, relationships, and figuring things out for myself. I had been taught wrong things, and I'm still asking my youth pastor questions by the buckets. Trying, so hard to find out reasons I believe this or that. I have found out a lot of the "answers" that I had been taught my whole life had been wrong. Very wrong. I feel like my trust in everyone sunk in the ocean where it wasn't able to be found again. Now, besides about four people, I'm leaning to figure out things that I believe on my own.
That's my challenge to you.
Think about what you believe, and why. Have you ever questioned what you believed? I have, obviously. A few weeks ago, I had a youth leader challenge me with this question- "Why are you a christian? What makes you different from people who believe other things? Why is it that you believe in Jesus, and that He is the only way to heaven?" That blew my mind. Growing up in a christian family, you don't get to much of choosing God for yourself. Which explains a lot of my confusion. I now have an answer to what he had asked me. So now I'm asking you..."Why are YOU a christian?"
Love to hear back from you guys, it makes my day! :)
~Believer in PRTC
Don't you love the stars?
It's so breath taking to lay outside and stare at them. Last night was the first time I had done so, for I think, my whole life. Katie, and (her sister, my friend) Anna, and I talked while looking at them. Something about them, reminded me of the song "On Fire" by Switchfoot.
"But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words."
If you couldn't figure that out, those are lyrics from the song. I was thinking. How many conversations have I had that seem to lead to no where? Those ones where I fight with someone, just because I want my way, or because I disagree on something. A year ago, last night, I had no idea what was up for me within the next year. I had such a terrible time with life hitting me in the face. My world fell apart. I had very hard time with friends, relationships, and figuring things out for myself. I had been taught wrong things, and I'm still asking my youth pastor questions by the buckets. Trying, so hard to find out reasons I believe this or that. I have found out a lot of the "answers" that I had been taught my whole life had been wrong. Very wrong. I feel like my trust in everyone sunk in the ocean where it wasn't able to be found again. Now, besides about four people, I'm leaning to figure out things that I believe on my own.
That's my challenge to you.
Think about what you believe, and why. Have you ever questioned what you believed? I have, obviously. A few weeks ago, I had a youth leader challenge me with this question- "Why are you a christian? What makes you different from people who believe other things? Why is it that you believe in Jesus, and that He is the only way to heaven?" That blew my mind. Growing up in a christian family, you don't get to much of choosing God for yourself. Which explains a lot of my confusion. I now have an answer to what he had asked me. So now I'm asking you..."Why are YOU a christian?"
Love to hear back from you guys, it makes my day! :)
~Believer in PRTC
A Sad Poem Until Monday
Tonight is most likely the last time you will hear from me until Monday. I'm leaving for World Pulse tomorrow. (Yes!) Then on Sunday, drum roll please, I get to see my long lost friend Katie!!! I am so pumped! 82 days is such a long time when a best friend leaves for the whole summer and goes to the Middle East. Craziness. I leave you with a sad poem I wrote in my absence...
A flower blooms,
A beautiful girl stands.
A boy comes,
And takes her by the hand.
Soon before love becomes,
She finds a temptation she can’t withstand.
A petal falls.
She doesn’t understand.
This can’t be all.
This didn’t go like she planned.
A girl falls.
A petal is lost as she gives a piece away.
Her heart isn’t the same, to this day.
Talk to you guys on Monday, have a great weekend!
~Believer in PRTC
A flower blooms,
A beautiful girl stands.
A boy comes,
And takes her by the hand.
Soon before love becomes,
She finds a temptation she can’t withstand.
A petal falls.
She doesn’t understand.
This can’t be all.
This didn’t go like she planned.
A girl falls.
A petal is lost as she gives a piece away.
Her heart isn’t the same, to this day.
Talk to you guys on Monday, have a great weekend!
~Believer in PRTC
Indescribable
What do you guys think? I have kind of just been messing around lately with about of graphics, and sort of liked this one.
(thanks Chris Tomlin for the lyrics)
Enjoy!
~Believer in PRTC
Findings
I've recently been searching through my computer and finding bunches of stuff that I've written over the years. Just wanted to post a few of them :)
Ideas are actions
Like…
Knife is to wrist.
Like…
Pill is to mouth.
Like…
Gun is to head.
Like…
It’s too late.
Sometimes you can feel the wind.
You hold up your hand and let the cool rush lace through your fingers.
Standing at the highest point you can find.
You feel as if you’re going crazy.
That’s what everyone tells you.
You have no reason not to do this.
The wind changes directions.
You have to act quickly if you want to try.
Then you hear something.
It’s almost as if the rush whispers to you, but only loud enough that you can hear.
"Freedom"
The one little word causes shivers to envelop your body.
You raise your hands up, close your eyes, and jump.
Freedom awaits...
I saw your eyes and I couldn’t believe,
What I saw were two bight blue oceans.
But when I came closer it wasn’t water at all.
They were filled with a beautiful soul.
The soul was playful but lonely.
I came inside it.
And it took me in its arms,
As it led me to the middle of the ocean.
I met a girl.
She said she was prisoner of her soul.
So I took her out of the ocean,
And put her into my heart.
We both rested in the universe.
Only to live in peace and love.
Ta ta for now,
~Believer in PRTC
Ideas are actions
Like…
Knife is to wrist.
Like…
Pill is to mouth.
Like…
Gun is to head.
Like…
It’s too late.
Sometimes you can feel the wind.
You hold up your hand and let the cool rush lace through your fingers.
Standing at the highest point you can find.
You feel as if you’re going crazy.
That’s what everyone tells you.
You have no reason not to do this.
The wind changes directions.
You have to act quickly if you want to try.
Then you hear something.
It’s almost as if the rush whispers to you, but only loud enough that you can hear.
"Freedom"
The one little word causes shivers to envelop your body.
You raise your hands up, close your eyes, and jump.
Freedom awaits...
I saw your eyes and I couldn’t believe,
What I saw were two bight blue oceans.
But when I came closer it wasn’t water at all.
They were filled with a beautiful soul.
The soul was playful but lonely.
I came inside it.
And it took me in its arms,
As it led me to the middle of the ocean.
I met a girl.
She said she was prisoner of her soul.
So I took her out of the ocean,
And put her into my heart.
We both rested in the universe.
Only to live in peace and love.
Ta ta for now,
~Believer in PRTC
Just An Idea
What would happen if we all lived and believed that truly, all we needed is Jesus? That as we go day to day, we didn't have to worry because we have a Savior who overcame death. Who finds us, forgives us, and loves us unconditionally. What would happen if we genuinely lived for Him? Fear would be gone. Faith would be p...resent. Nothing would matter except for Him. It would be a beautiful revelation...
Just my idea...
~Believer in PRTC
Just my idea...
~Believer in PRTC
I've Been Tagged...
I have been tagged!
Rules: answer the questions and pass it on to four others.
4 Things found in my bag:
My bag?? Um...I don't do bags until school. How about pockets? You will find.
1. Money
2. iPod and Headphones
3. Cell Phone
4. A Eiffel Tower key chain.
4 Things found in my purse:
1. My wallet.
2. iPod and Headphones.
3. Cow pen & eraser
4. My phone.
4 Favorite things in my room:
1. All of my quotes/song lyrics/stories that are hanging up on my walls.
2. My guitars
3. My keyboard with my flute on it.
4. Sheet music, guitar tabs, and songs I've written.
4 Things I’m currently into:
1. Waiting for Katie to be home!
2. Taking pictures :)
3. Writing music
4. Smelling my new book bag and drinking black gold (:coffee:).
4 Things I bet you didn't know about me:
1. I go to a christian, private school.
2. I love bright or neon colors.
3. I hate olives. (and yes, I was made to try one.)
4. I'm going to a concert on Saturday that will have TobyMac, Amy Grant, Kutless, Fireflight, Sidewalk Prophets, and Josh Wilson!!! I am way PUMPED!
I tag: A Hopeful Romantic, Jullian, Tyler, and Emily.
~Believer in PRTC
Rules: answer the questions and pass it on to four others.
4 Things found in my bag:
My bag?? Um...I don't do bags until school. How about pockets? You will find.
1. Money
2. iPod and Headphones
3. Cell Phone
4. A Eiffel Tower key chain.
4 Things found in my purse:
1. My wallet.
2. iPod and Headphones.
3. Cow pen & eraser
4. My phone.
4 Favorite things in my room:
1. All of my quotes/song lyrics/stories that are hanging up on my walls.
2. My guitars
3. My keyboard with my flute on it.
4. Sheet music, guitar tabs, and songs I've written.
4 Things I’m currently into:
1. Waiting for Katie to be home!
2. Taking pictures :)
3. Writing music
4. Smelling my new book bag and drinking black gold (:coffee:).
4 Things I bet you didn't know about me:
1. I go to a christian, private school.
2. I love bright or neon colors.
3. I hate olives. (and yes, I was made to try one.)
4. I'm going to a concert on Saturday that will have TobyMac, Amy Grant, Kutless, Fireflight, Sidewalk Prophets, and Josh Wilson!!! I am way PUMPED!
I tag: A Hopeful Romantic, Jullian, Tyler, and Emily.
~Believer in PRTC
Terrible Thoughts
My thoughts everyday seems to lead to something. I think about this one thing all day, and most the time if the idea sticks with me, I think about it almost everyday for weeks, or months. I've had quite a few that seemed to have clicked with me, but none like this special, certain one.This one I've thought about for a year, four weeks, and two days. Never has there been a day where the thought, reminder, or idea has haunted me since the night I heard about it. The fact that there are little girls everywhere that are being trafficked. Let me break that word down for you. Slavery. Trafficking is slavery. The fact that this happens completely appals me. These beautiful girls are being bought and sold. I can do nothing but regret that we as Americans can have such a terrible thing happening (mostly) on the other side of the world, and not even know about it. Some of these girls don't even come back. Some of them get killed before they even get sold again. Their life simple stripped of them. I'm saying this so you will know that this happens and pray for these girls. Please, please do.
http://www.love146.org/
Please pray.
~Believer in PRTC
http://www.love146.org/
Please pray.
~Believer in PRTC
Wedding Pictures!!
This Wednesday I got the opportunity to take pictures for a wedding! It was my first time ever doing a wedding, but it was so much fun! Here are just a few of my favorites...
 |
| Nancy, the beautiful bride. |
 |
| Greg, the "I'm getting married" pose. |
 |
| Awww... |
 |
| Bubbles :) |
 |
| The aborable little 3 yr old |
Hope you like them! Congrats Nancy and Greg!
~Believer in PRTC
Close to Death
I've about died 2 times this week. Maybe I'm the only one who has found the strangeness in this, but it isn't every day that I inch close to death.
First occurrence: I was mowing close by the street and this car about ran over me! I luckily saw the car before it saw me and zoomed onto the grass just in time for the car to see me and swerve out of the way and then keep on going. First time this has ever happened to me. I felt like Mr.Carperson owes me and apology for about killing me.
Second occurrence: For those of you who don't know, we have two jet skis. Today our family went to the reservoir and took them out. After we were done messing around we loaded them up. Now there is this rope with a hook on it that keeps the jet ski from flying off the back of the trailer, that normally works just fine. But today the rope came untied and when we stopped the jet ski was about a foot off the back of the trailer and about to fall off.
Craziness!!!
Apparently I need to be more careful.
~Believer in PRTC
First occurrence: I was mowing close by the street and this car about ran over me! I luckily saw the car before it saw me and zoomed onto the grass just in time for the car to see me and swerve out of the way and then keep on going. First time this has ever happened to me. I felt like Mr.Carperson owes me and apology for about killing me.
Second occurrence: For those of you who don't know, we have two jet skis. Today our family went to the reservoir and took them out. After we were done messing around we loaded them up. Now there is this rope with a hook on it that keeps the jet ski from flying off the back of the trailer, that normally works just fine. But today the rope came untied and when we stopped the jet ski was about a foot off the back of the trailer and about to fall off.
Craziness!!!
Apparently I need to be more careful.
~Believer in PRTC
Not to much
I don't like it when I have so much to say, and yet I have nothing to blog about. So for this post, have a cool video...
i heart revolution
That's all for now,
~Believer in PRTC
i heart revolution
That's all for now,
~Believer in PRTC
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